"I've Fallen..." Protecting Your Aging Parent Through the Five "Falling" Factors

by LaVerne Coan on 02/09/12

We smirk at the commercial of the older woman calling out for help, but the statistics are sobering. According to the Red Cross, 1 out of 3 persons over the age of 65 sustains an injury through a fall each year. Other sources report that, overall, falls are the second leading cause of unintentional injury and death in the United States and the leading cause of injuries. Falls are the leading cause of death for Americans over 65.

Although we do hear of broken hips or thighs that require hospitalization for the elderly, many falls do not result in serious injury. However, there is often a psychological impact. You know from your own experience that if you fall, you become vigilant, at least for a while, in any similar situation which might cause you to fall again. For the elderly, the psychological impact can be even more dramatic. My mother, in her 60's, slipped and fell on an icy patch while running errands. Bruised shoulder muscles brought her pain for weeks. More restrictive was the way that she began staying home, convinced that even in the mildest winter weather she might fall. Staying home made her depressed and fearful, since she was not engaging in activities that she enjoyed and that may have lifted her spirits.

If you are caring for aging parents, it's easy to see why preventing falls is the #1 way to increase your parent's chances of living longer as an independent, active individual. Preventing falls will also relieve you, the family caregiver, of unnecessary worry and more care duties. Preventing falls is a good practice not only for your parent but also for you, so that you can care without the burden of injury. Since the majority of falls happen at home, many can be prevented.

There are five major factors that contribute to falls:

1. Osteoporosis
Osteoporosis is a condition wherein bones become more porous, less dense, less resistant to stress, and more prone to fractures. In some cases, a bone breaks spontaneously, causing the fall; in others, the fall comes first with breakage as a result.

2. Lack of Physical Activity
Physical activity helps muscle tone, bone strength, and balance. All of these physical capabilities are needed to stay upright on unsteady ground, walking up or down stairs, and dressing.

3. Impaired Vision
Medications, aging, and illness can all contribute to changing vision. Less visual acuity means that we miss obstacles and may feel less balanced.

4. Medications
Dizziness, drowsiness, and decreased alertness are side effects of some medication and all can contribute to falls. Be particularly aware when a new medication is added and to combinations of drugs.

5. Environmental Hazards
These hazards include icy sidewalks, wires lying across a floor, slippery tubs, throw rugs, and pets. Inside or outside the house, anything that hinders walking or contributes to uneven or unsteady floors can be a cause of a fall.

Begin this week to become more observant of your parent's environment, perhaps to ask more questions. Has your parent been tested for osteoporosis? What are the side effects of her medication? When you visit, look out for potential hazards in the home that could easily be fixed. Can your parent see clearly?

In my next post, I'll share things you and your parent can do in each hazard area to prevent falls, and provide a few resources to read more.

Until then, be safe!

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What's a Mini-Vacation?

by LaVerne Coan on 02/02/12

A Mini-Vacation is a brief count of moments to stop and smell the roses--literally or figuratively.

In the midst of caring, while facing the challenges of parenting, employment, eldercare, and living, we often become so enveloped in the “have to’s” and the “musts” that we forget to breathe. We don’t look up and notice that the sky is clear blue or that our children have just made a marvelous discovery or that the snow sparkles like glitter or that our spouse is looking particularly good that day.

Caring for elderly parents is not a sprint, but a marathon, and as a caregiver, you need to find the right caring pace that will allow you to thrive during the journey over weeks, months and perhaps years.

The most powerful technique I learned and used during my caregiving experience was one I learned from one of my spiritual teachers, the late Sister José Hobday, an American Indian nun who lived in New Mexico. She taught that the quality of experience we foster in our lives will ultimately give us more joy and peace than the quantity of tasks or things we do. She recommended a simple daily practice:

Take 20 mini-vacations a day.

Throughout the day, take regular micro-breaks in your routine to focus on something pleasant. All you need is a few seconds or a few minutes and your focused attention. When you shift your attention from your current concerns to something you truly enjoy, you briefly release your mind, body and spirit from stress and clear them to continue with renewed energy.

In her teachings, Sister Hobday encourages 20 of these breaks a day. That averages out to about two every waking hour. What does this mean? It means that as we look toward the future in our caregiving role, we don't have to see endless stress and tasks before us. We learn to divide our tasks for others into short bursts of activity interwoven with time for ourselves.

Mini-vacations may take a small amount of planning, especially if you wish to have pictures or music readily available. But for the most part, just look up, notice the world around you, move around in it a little. There are endless opportunities for a break in your routine.

In this blog, along with tips for caring, we'll be sharing ideas for mini-vacations and reminding each other to take a break, take a breath, and care for ourselves.

Blessings on your caregiving day!

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Your First Priority is You

by LaVerne Coan on 01/26/12

Are you kidding? I have my kids, my job, my spouse, my parent to think about. They're my top priorities.

Think about your life now.

How do you feel...

When you haven't gotten enough sleep, haven't eaten a decent meal in days, have pushed yourself until your head and shoulders and stomach throb with tension?

When you haven't had a chance in weeks to connect meaningfully with another person, talk out your worries, have fun just doing nothing?

When you haven't had a moment to yourself in days?

Making Yourself Your Top Priority Does NOT Mean...

• Ignoring the responsibilities and obligations that you have to your loved ones.
• Refusing to do something for your parent simply because it is "inconvenient" or because you "don't feel like it".
• Misusing your choices in life to disregard real needs your parent may have.
• Becoming self-absorbed.

Making Yourself Your Top Priority Means...

•  Recognizing that you have a right to your own life, that your needs are just as important as anyone else's.
• Letting your own life and well-being take precedence so that you will be ready physically and emotionally when you most need it.
• Refusing to give of your time and energy unstintingly to others without giving yourself the same proportion of time and energy.
• Striving for balance within your life so that you are not the last person to whom you apportion your time and effort.

Recognizing your own needs, dealing with your own emotions, getting help when you need it, considering your personal goals throughout the period of your caregiving--all these things insure that you will have the endurance to care effectively for a long period of time, especially if that period of time begins to stretch from months to years. Taking care of yourself is not selfish when you are a caregiver. It is essential.

Check back every week as we begin to explore the many ways in which you can put this First Priority into practice.

Blessings on Your Caregiving Today!

 

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You and Your Aging Parent--4 Caregiving Myths & The Facts

by LaVerne Coan on 04/28/11

Let's check out relationship reality, shall we? A reality hidden beneath the fuss and flurry that is often a caregiver's life. A reality that affects how you and your parent react to the dynamic caregiving situation you both have entered. A reality of which you may be totally unaware.

After the first months of caregiving, as I recognized that my relationship with my ailing mother was more complicated than I ever imagined, I spent a lot of time reading and talking to others about the emotional and relationship side of parentcare.

What I learned along the way was that I had bought into the Myths of Eldercare:

MYTH 1: In all families, parents and children love each other unconditionally.

MYTH 2: No matter the quality of the parenting, parents deserve a child's unquestioning devotion, duty, love and service.

MYTH 3: Every child is obligated to care for his parents as they age.

MYTH 4: A person honors her parents only if she sacrifices her own life and mental health for the sake of the parent. Without total sacrifice, the child can not be judged as "good".

Note the "all-or-nothing" quality of each of these myths. They are rarely stated outright and never written down. We breathe them in from our families' actions, conversations with friends, from newspapers and television. The myths invade us as easily as secondhand smoke and become a part of us. And in living, we act as if these myths were immutable laws. They become the bars of a cage, restricting the options we have in life. Often we don't even think about what we are doing. We just act.

What are the Facts of Eldercare?

FACT 1: Parents and children should love each other unconditionally. But let's be honest, dysfunctional families exist. Even in "normal" families, love's depth and expression are different and different even between each parent and child.

FACT 2: Parents are human, and their love is not always given in a fair or evenhanded manner. Some parents are abusive; some have abandoned their families. Being a parent is no guarantee that a child will offer unquestioning devotion, duty, love and service. (Talk to a teenager sometime for clarification on this point.)

FACT 3: There is no contract or rule that obligates a child to care for an aging parent. The Bible says, "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother," but it's vague on how to do that. In any case, you can not mandate love or respect.

FACT 4: Sacrificing your own well-being in caregiving does your parent no good. It drains precious energy away from caregiving and weakens you. To care for someone else, you must first care for yourself.

So, be honest with yourself. Have you accepted any or all of the myths as Truth? If you have, how might your belief in the myth affect how you talk with your parent, decide priorities in your life?

And just as important...does your parent believe in any of the myths? Does that belief bring with it expectations that you might not be able to meet?

A counselor once told me that 80-90% of our behavior comes from the subconscious, from our instincts, from beliefs deep within us. Until we pull the myths up into our thinking, conscious decision-making brain, we will act on them instinctively, perhaps to our detriment.

What myth do you believe? Is your belief filling you with guilt or with joy in your caring? Do you need to discard that myth for something more realistic, more positive? Is your myth helpful?

TAGS: Life-long Care Tips, Myths of Eldercare

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Welcome to Healthy Balanced Eldercare!

by LaVerne Coan on 04/19/11

Caring for an elder takes a lot of time, patience, money, new skills and love. You feel overwhelmed, guilty, bemused, unsettled, sad, angry, happy, and every emotion in between. You learn new skills, reverse roles with your parents, negotiate with your siblings, consider care options, hire others to give care when you can't.

What do you often forget? You. Yourself. Your own well-being. Your own care.

Healthy Balanced Eldercare is here to help you balance the challenges of eldercare with regular reminders and tips on how to take care of yourself. Statistics show that 40% of all caregivers die before the person for whom they care. This figure jumps to 60% when Alzheimer's diesease and dementia are involved.

Don't be a statistic. Be a Healthy, Balanced Caregiver.

You owe it to your elder; you owe it to you.

Blessings on your caregiving today!

TAGS: Introduction

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